Just a Quick Note

Dear Dad,
I heard your favourite song today. I love it because it reminds me so much of you but it always makes me sad too because it makes me want to hug you and you're not here. It also reminds me of the time that Brianna burnt the song for you and put it on in your CD player instead of that other crap UG had you listening to and i'm sorry things aren't like they used to be. I wish with all my heart it was different.

Nanna isn't too well. I'm really worried about her. I know i haven't seen her as much as i should have but it's because i feel so wierd and uncomfortable when i see Pop now. I never thought it would be this way. I miss the farm days. They really were the best.

I saw HER the other night. Every time i do i have to refrain from punching her in the face. She's trying to get at me through my family now. I wish she'd bugger off, she's not welcome and she knows it, she's trying to do it to shit me off.

I saw Marie and Sam the same night. I love those guys. Marie was telling me how UB came to her and i know what she means. I've felt you around, as insane as that might sound i do know you come to visit. I wish i could talk to you. We were contemplating that you and UB were catching up, it makes me smile to think of you two joking around. I sincerely hope you are.

I'm still looking for a job. I'm kind of glad the credit crunch happened when it did because it's made it harder to find something. I do want to work again and i do want money and all the other things that come with having a job and i know i have to get one, but every time i apply for something i secretly hope i won't get it because nothing will ever be as good as it was when i was working with you. I know i can't have that situation again, but it doesn't stop me wanting it.

One of my best mates ever told me a huge secret. They need help but i don't know how i can help in any other way then what i have been doing. I know if you were here your answer would be "a shotgun." They would be your exact words if you were here to listen. I'm actually smiling at that. It makes me realise even more how wonderfully lucky i am that you and Mum are the parents i ended up with.

Riley says Mum. It's so cute. He looks so much like Browny but has Caris' eyes and nose. You should be a very proud Grandpa. Or would you have preferred to have been a Pop? Or a Grandad? Maybe we should let Riley decide? He will know all about you.

So i feel like when i write this i am telling you about the things that i would talk to you about if we were sitting at work at about morning tea time and randomly discussing the weekend. I treasure those memories.

Love you now and forever, much more then words can describe,
Danica xoxoxo

Dear Dad,
I miss you so much. I could never describe how much. Every time one of our birthdays roll around it doesn't feel quite the same. You and Mum made them such an exciting day. I can't even remember one bad birthday.

I'm really looking forward to my birthday this year, except in the aging way. It will be GREAT to have as many of my friends together as possible. Things have been very wierd with some of them for a while now. I found my 18th birthday tape the other day. I wish everything was exactly like it was then. We were great and all my friends liked each other. I know it's not really the best idea to cling to the past but sometimes i can't help it.

What i won't have this year though is you. I didn't have you last year either but i didn't really do anything last year so i didn't miss it as much. It's kind of daunting for me this time around. I remember if it was a school day and my birthday you'd wake up early and make me vegemite toast and a milo, and if it was lucky enough to be a weekend or holidays you'd make me pancakes! It was the best way to start the day. When we lived at Gnangara, Caris, Bri and I used to argue about opening the gate, and you'd always let us do it on our birthdays.

When we got older you'd take us out for dinner. I still remember my 21st, you sat on that hard chair at Sizzler and watched why we mucked around. Thank you SO much for that Dad. I know you felt so sick that night. And at my river cruise you were the best. Mum still takes us out for dinner and it's great.

It's really nice to remember all the little things you guys did to make it special. You and Mum were ALWAYS there for us and i know if you can be around for it saturday you will be. I miss you EVERY day, it's just even harder on one of our birthdays, especially yours.

I love you forever Dad.

Dreams?

If you were to ask one of my mates, "How wierd are Danica's dreams?" Most of them would be able to answer "Very." as most of them have featured in such an event and i've relayed it to them. A very few might say, "I've got no idea, why the hell are you asking about her dreams anyway? Wierdo." but never mind, they're currently in the dark. I doubt they're safe for long.

My dream from last night was vivid...and completely insane. I was a scientist (I hated science in school) and i was on the verge of some breakthrough (though i'm not sure what breakthrough it was supposed to be) and just before i got it, the home-time bell rang. (School much?) I went to leave when the boss Scientist pulled me aside and said, "Danica, you'd better have that done by Tuesday." (I somehow knew that in my dream it was a long weekend, so Tuesday made sense.) I promised i would and went home. I'm not sure how i got home but i suddenly was.

At home i was getting ready to go to Albany with some freinds for the long weekend. Not very wierd...yet. I grabbed my bag and said goodbye to Mum and hopped into Mel K's yellow jeep??? (Mel doesn't even drive yet.) Along for the ride were Sian, Kim and KELLAN LUTZ! I'm SO wierd. (For those of you who somehow don't know, Kellan Lutz plays Emmett Cullen in Twilight. But i was in love with him before that show lol!)

We went out for dinner. (We're in Albany now btw.) We went to a kareoke bar and then we decided to go to a movie. (Why we couldn't have done this at home in Perth i have no idea.) As we went to leave the movie i realised my asthma puffer was missing from my pocket and i went back to look for it with Kim and Kellan whilst Sian and Mel went and got the car. (Yeah, like i've said already, wierd.) The chairs in the movie theatre were stacked to the side of the room as if they were all portable and i searched through dropped things on the floor for my puffer.
"We're never going to find it," Kim said kicking something across the room...my puffer.
"Kim! You just kicked it." I yelled and him, and went a retrieved it.

Back in the car Kim, Kellan and I ended up in a fit of giggles as Kim hid a sausage under Mel's seat.
"What are you laughing at?" Sian was giving us a wierd look from the front seat. We tried to tell her without giving the game away when Mel caught on.
"You's are wankers!" She laughed. (This line was not so far off what the real Mel would have said in the same situation.)

We continued to drive happily along when a car zoomed by us, being chased by a cop. Up ahead they pulled over and, for the hell of it apparently, we did to. We listened as the guy said he was speeding because he sneezed and his foot got stuck to the pedal. (What the?!) As we were inconspicuously listening to the Cop and guy argue, we walked around the caravan park we'd pulled over next to. I was given eighty cents by the owner for the song i'd sang earlier in the night at kareoke (even though, according to my dream evidence, i actually hadn't sang.) I thanked her.
"Will you sing again Tuesday?" she asked me.
"I'm sorry, i have a work deadline." i answered.
"Please?" she asked. Mel said she didn't mind staying another night, so i told her i'd sing again on Tuesday but my boss would be angry.

My dream didn't show me sing again but it showed me getting back to work on Wednesday morning. (Shock, horror!) The boss scientist, who was now my MUM, asked why i hadn't finished my deadline.
"I spilt stuff on my coat and had to wash it." I excused myself.
She glared at me. "Fine, but don't let it happen again."

That's all i remember. How random can you get? I mean, what the hell is my subconcious trying to tell me? I thought dreams were your subconcious going through the days events or trying to figure out a problem you currently had. Also you're supposed to dream in balck and white (I remember hearing this in a high school science class...ironic?) and i distinctly remember seeing Mel's BRIGHT YELLOW jeep.

I went hunting for a few answers but came up with next to nothing. Except that seeing yellow means: "the dreamer has an intuitive or enlightened intellect." Umm...okay.

I also found some "Did You Know" interesting points.
"• One third of our lives are spent sleeping.
• In your lifetime you will spend about six years of it dreaming. That is more than 2100 days spent in a different world.
• Everybody dreams. Just because you don’t remember your dreams it does not mean that you didn’t dream
• We dream an average of one or two hours every night and we often have four to seven dreams in one night
• Five minutes after the end of a dream, half the content is forgotten. After ten minutes, 99 percent is lost.
• If you are snoring then you cannot be dreaming.
• The word dream stems from the middle English word, ‘dreme’ which means joy and music
• Men tend to dream more about other men, while women dream equally about men and women.
• Research has shown that during REM sleep men experience erections and women experience vaginal blood flow no matter what the content of the dream. In fact, ‘wet dreams’ may not coincide with overtly sexual content.
• People who give up smoking have longer and more intense dreams
• Toddlers do not dream about themselves. They don’t appear in their own dreams until the age of four"

Most of those seem pretty interesting, especially the last one, HOW could anyone possibly know that? A toddler isn't really able to give a blow by blow account of his or her dreams and nobody can actually SEE what another person dreams so i think that is hogwash.

Anyway, you've witnessed a little bit of the wierd, twisted way my brain works at times. That is all.

A very long time...

So...i completely forgot i had this blogger account. I decided to track it down again after a friend of mine announced he had a blog. I remember, back in the day, when all my friends had blogs. It was a craze. He never had one, until now. I read it, remembered i had one and finally tracked it down through yet another friends account. (He had a weblink to mine.)
I haven't blogged since halway through 2006 and now it's ALMOST 2009. I can say, since i stopped using this account, that my happy, care-free life has had some very drastic twists and turns of late...
2007 was supposed to be my greatest year, it was the year i went with some of my closest friends to Melbourne, feeling rather independant, and the year i was to turn 21. I did do both those things but the year was by far the worst in my life so far. My childhood dog died (i'd had her since i was in year two, and even more devastating, I lost my gorgeous, lovely, kind spirited father to a disgusting horrible disease which is all too common amongst us...cancer. I have never EVER felt a pain like that in my life, and i still hate myself for not being able to get to him before he passed. I worked for him too, a family business, running into the third generation. It had to be shut down. I lost my job too. I was affected badly, very badly, by these happenings and completely withdrew from the world causing rifts in life long friendships. I never meant to hurt anyone but didn't know how else to cope. My family is healing. Very, very slowly, but we are healing. There will never be a day i don't think about my Dad though. RIP Daddy, love you so much.
A year later, he is still missed as much as ever. Life has had some unexpected good surprises too. My sister got engaged and is expecting a baby in 7 weeks. My Aunty and her long time boyfriend got married, my cousin and his girlfriend got married in a surprise ceremony on what would have been my dad's birthday and i have made plenty of new friends and am trying to rebuild the relationships with my old ones as i start to come out of my depression. I have yet another new car (it's like a running tradition with me to upgrade constantly, i inherited it from my father.) and i have recently enjoyed a 5 week long backpacking holiday in the UK with another of my sisters which seemed to really put me on the right track to getting my life back together. I'm still out of a job although i had another one briefley and have also done a course but suffered a breakdown so i took time off.
To tell the truth i don't really expect anyone to read it, but i used to blog on myspace all the time and it was one of the ways i could release my thoughts and feelings without worrying about what people thought. I think i'll start again, it's good for me.
I'm currently writing down details of my UK trip, so once i've finished i'll post it on here.
A very shortened update of the past two years of my life but all i can be bothered posting for now.
-Schmanica.

Ooh-Eeh, Ooh - aaH aaH

Bing bang, walla walla bing bang...

I dunno why that song is stuck in my head...i haven't even watched Grease lately LOL!

Just a blog to let all my readers know (laughs) thats i'm aloive...thats right aloive, not alive. *shrugs*

So here's the low down...
Daniel is a purple heffalump who me and kim (now monkeys) will throw poo at from the safety of sian the llma's back.

That's what it's gonna be like after we've all been reincarnated.

*Grinns*

Umm...not much has been goin on lately.

My myspace finally looks respectable lol.

Ooooh! And for dinner last night i had pasta! it was so nice.

And i have nothing further to write...just thought i should write something incase people assumed i was dead...or had suddenly lost my ability to write.

In a way i kind of have because this blog make NO SENSE AT ALL!!!

But ya get that.

Over and out,
Dani

GaH aND Poo!!!

Sometimes i wish i had kept my identity a secret from this blog so i could write about things and nobody would know what i'm goin on about and i'd be able to unload all my crap without hurting anyone's feelings and nobody would understand who im talking about. Make sense? Lol.
I'm not sure whats going on with me lately but i definately don't feel like myself. I feel like i'm being attacked from people who are supposed to be my friends. Sometimes i know i'm over-reacting and sometimes i know that there is something to worry about.
I have had things going round in my head for years now. There's been one major problem that keeps circling and i have no way of getting rid of it and even if i talk about it it doesn't help. It is seriously starting to make me insane. I never used to worry about such a thing...
I realise i'm not making much sense, but i'm just looking for a way to express my feelings but not give away too much at the same time. That probably doesn't make sense either.
Recently i made the most biggest mistakes of my life so far and usually i don't regret mistakes, i learn from them. This one, however, is definately a regrettable one. I hate myself for it.
I love every single one of my friends with my whole heart and i would seriously die for any one of them and i wouldn't be the same without them but recently i feel like i'm a hindrance to them. I keep thinking how much easier it would be for me to leave for melbourne like i promised myself i would one day and start over. I guess thats running away from the problem...i really don't know what to make of my thoughts anymore.
I'll prolly look back on this blog in a week or so and laugh at myself...i hope lol.
I just wish that someties life wasn't so complicated. I wonder why it is?

And that is the question on everybodys lips.

THe LaW

The law is set in place, supposedly to protect the innocent and make the guilty pay the consequences they deserve.

What a massive crock of shit.

It makes me so angry!

When i was in year 8 i was beaten up due to mistaken identity. The two girls (who were 3 years older than me) got away with it, their only punishment was two weeks suspension. We went to court but they got away with it there too because they were juveniels. Being young it traumatised me more than i thought. I was scared to go to school, scared to go anywhere by myself. I had a bruised back and huuuge egg on my head from the assult. I almost cracked my head open too because when they pushed me my head landed on the sharp corner of a brick wall.
I made a promise to myself that day to NEVER let anyone get the better of me ever again. I built up my muscles, i learnt Judo as a defence so if i ever had to resort to a fight i had a bloody good chance at keeping myself safe and making the others wither in fear. Assholes.

Recently my sister was bashed (far worse than what i was) for the most cowardly, pathetic reason. She was innocent, she did not deserve it and they f***ing sluts who did it are managing to get away with it so far (hopefully that will change in court).

It's been a year since the bashing. They have threatened her, her friends, people she worked with and nobody can do anything about it because there's no proof. Even if the wittness gives a statement, it's not proof enough to say if the person they were threatened by was the same. Does it matter? Even if it's not the same person they were still bloody threatened.

Most magistrates are bloddy brilliant, when it comes down to it, they more often than not make the correct decision. However there was one old hag (i wish i could remember her name cos i'd bloody let it fly) SHE IS THE CRAZIEST BITCH EVER!!! She made me so angry. She thought she was "oh-so-good" because of her profession. Thought she ruled the Earth. Well ya dumb bitch, if i ever see you again i'll f***ing give you what for. Then we'll see how clever you think you are.

Sorry, i do apologise but this blog is likely to be full of random comments like that. This is a subject that really gets to me and it takes a LOT to get me that angry.

The amount of assholes there are in the world. I mean, how did they amount to such a large number? These people that get away with murder, with bashings, with shootings etc etc. HOW DARE THEY! And, in some cases, HOW DARE THE COURT BE SO F***ING STUPID AND RETARDED!!!

How impossible is it to tell if someone is lying or not? You just gotta look for the little signs, you look at people's background, that should give you a fairly good idea of who's f***ed and who isn't.

And you know what really gets to me!?!? You go into court and they make you take an oath that you will tell "The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" and everyone says "Yes"...what are they gonna say, "No, i'm guilty" And it's stupid cos they say Yes and it's so obviously a lie because the whole point of court is to find the guilty party.
"Oh, well...they all said they'd tell the truth, so there must be no guilty party here."
Crock of shit!!!

Is it any wonder some people take the law into their own hands? I can't blame them, i really can't.

This is probably VERY difficult for a lot of you to understand unless you have been in a position similar to what my sister or i have been in.

It matters that the innocent people we love get hurt. But what matters even more is the people who did it and get away with it.

I know that my family is not the only one to be let down by the law. It needs to be rewritten, or altered to help put those, who deserve it, behind bars.

And for those that do get away with it, may Karma catch up with you, or may you pay for it someway later. Scum.

I apologise for the fact that my blog is dark, usually they are light hearted but i feel that this subject needs to be raised.

The only reason i have not named anybody in this blog is because the case is currently open. All information will come out though. Be sure of that.

Dani